


“Greetings, Professor!”

by Jill_Stinggay



Series: FE3H Kink Memes Fills [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, FE3H Kinkmeme, Implied Sexual Content, Masturbation, Multi, Pegging, Scissoring, Sylvain sends dick pics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24774010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jill_Stinggay/pseuds/Jill_Stinggay
Summary: “The gatekeeper has taken up a new task. Since there wasn't very much to report on around the monastery, now he reports on what others are up to in the bedroom department.”
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Ferdinand von Aegir/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Series: FE3H Kink Memes Fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847026
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	“Greetings, Professor!”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not new to fanfiction but I am new to FE3H fanfic and the fandom in general. This is my first time posting on this site, though I am a long time AO3 reader of many fandoms.
> 
> Anyway, the summary is the prompt and it was too good not to fill. Not my finest work by any means, but it was fun to get back into writing about a long hiatus.

“Greetings, Professor! Nothing to report.”

Byleth knows these will always be the first words from the gatekeeper upon talking to him. Ironically, he goes on to actually report something more often than not, but it’s a quality she finds endearing. She wonders if he’s aware that he does that. 

With Fodlan enjoying a peaceful era, there truly isn’t much to report these days, but she still finds herself checking in with the gatekeeper on the daily. For the past few months, his reports have been pretty mundane. Bigger fish than usual in the pond, the daily dining hall special, Sylvain’s typical philandering. Which is why Byleth is especially unprepared for the news she gets one day. 

“Greetings, Professor! Nothing to report.” The gatekeeper pauses. “Oh, I suppose there is something to report today. Multiple sources tell me they have received sketches from Sylvain. Very...explicit sketches. Multiple sources also tell me his, ahem, friend, is not nearly as large as Sylvain likes to say it is, or as it is portrayed in these pictures, if you catch my drift.”

Byleth bites her lip to prevent herself from bursting into laughter. She always had a feeling Sylvain was always trying to compensate for something, whether it was related to affairs on battlefield, in the classroom, or in bed, in this case. 

“Also, Dimitri and Felix were seen entering the sauna together and allegedly stayed there together for a long time. Especially curious considering Dimitri’s poor heat tolerance.” The gatekeeper pauses. “There were also moans coming from the sauna? I wonder why...”

Goddess, why were the Blue Lions men always so damn horny? And how did the gatekeeper know so much about the students’ sexual escapades while seemingly knowing so little about sex itself?

“What else...oh, Dorothea and Ingrid were caught in an interesting position by Mercedes when she went to Ingrid’s room to deliver some sweets. I hear it was something like...” The gatekeeper holds up his index and middle fingers on both hands and thrusts them together clumsily. 

Byleth gets the idea and feels her own face flushing. Dorothea did seem oddly possessive of Ingrid, especially after that marriage proposal, but she doesn’t expect to hear this. She wonders how Mercedes reacted but doesn’t have the nerve to ask. 

“Also, Claude told me he caught Ferdinand straddling Edelgard with his pants down in the stables. She was telling him to ‘Ride her like one of his horses’ with some thing strapped onto her waist. Claude told me he wants to ‘have his turn on the saddle’ sometime, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Somehow, I don’t think any of that has to do with horses at all.”

Of course Ferdinand and Edelgard were fucking, and of course she was the one bossing him around. Of course Claude was the one to catch them and make some snide, suggestive remark. Somehow this whole situation made too much sense. 

“Anything else?” Byleth asks, secretly hoping there is more news. This is certainly more interesting than his typical reports. 

“Ah yes, Lindhardt was caught in the library...stimulating himself to books about Crests. He always did seem like an odd one to me. Here’s hoping he didn’t get those books dirty.”

Byleth could have gone without knowing that last detail. 

“And that’s all for today!” the gatekeeper exclaims. 

Byleth nods and thanks the gatekeeper as she walks away, hoping tomorrow’s report will be just as juicy. 


End file.
